Can You Continue a Friendship With Someone You Fell in Love With but Missed It

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It's not uncommon for people to fall in love with their close friends, but getting that same friend to fall for you in return can be a challenge. While there's no way to guarantee a change in someone else's feelings, there are a few things you can do to increase the odds of making a friend fall in love with you. For instance, dropping hints about your feelings, becoming a shoulder to lean on, and knowing when to back off can all encourage your friend to start viewing you in a more romantic context.

Steps

1. 1

   Attempt to become their best friend. Don't just be any other friend: become someone that they couldn't live without, someone who listens to all their problems and always helps out when times get hard. You need to establish a connection like no other, something that neither of you could live without. If they trust you, they'll be more likely to give you chance when it comes to love. However, it's important to be genuine with your friendship—it's icky to befriend someone just so they'll date you.

   • Open up. Tell your crush more about yourself: your dreams, wishes, and sorrows. It's possible for love to grow where there previously wasn't any, but they have to think of you as a person with real goals, successes, and problems instead of just a friend. The more they're able to see parts of you that others don't see, the better off you'll be.^[1]
   • Make the person feel special. Let them know that they are someone's friend—your friend—and that you value them in a unique way.^[2] Compliment them for their company and for being there when you needed them, times when you felt sad and all alone. Show appreciation for the comfort the person offers you and for making you smile. Always dream with them, build with them, cheer them on, and encourage them.^[3]

2. 2

   Give them a hint. Before you two get too close and pass the "I love you as a friend" line or become too much of a sibling-type figure, you need to give them hints that you might like them as more than a friend. Try simple harmless flirts, comments, or something that would make them tell you that you're sweet, but also make them think a moment longer about the comment and wonder if there is another deeper meaning to it all.^[4]

   • This is very tough to do with words, because you don't want to make them think you're friends just in order to get in a relationship. In the beginning, stick to flirting with your body. Don't pass up that chance to sit shoulder-to-shoulder with them or brush your hand against theirs. Look them in the eye, and smile a lot.^[5]
   • Gradually move on to flirting with words. Tell her how much you admire her. Tell her how special she is to you. Tell her she makes your day easier to get through. But remember, a little hinting goes a long, long way! If you're gushing to her every twenty minutes, she could begin to feel uncomfortable as friends and start to distance herself from you.^[6]

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3. 3

   Be a shoulder to lean on. Be someone they can always turn to for reliable advice. If you're there when times get rough, they'll look at you like a problem-solver and trust you more. You'll also be someone they feels safe and secure around.^[7]

4. 4

   Do not give up too easily. When you notice hints coming from their end, you know you're getting somewhere. If your hints haven't really gotten through, however, try not to be so subtle. Being more obvious can be helpful because some people are used to being flirted with by their friends and acquaintances.

   • Get your crush one-on-one. This one's important. If you never see them when it's just the two of you, work toward that goal. The trick is to make it not look like a date when you ask them, but feel like a date when they get there. For instance, you might say you're in Starbucks studying and you want an awesome friend to distract you from your work instead of "Hey, do you wanna get coffee later on, just you and me?"
   • Make them a mix-tape of your favorite music. The music you listen to can show a whole other side of you, so it's a great way to help your crush understand you better. It also sends her a subtle message that you enjoy sharing personal things with her. Be sure to include music that you think she might like. You could be setting yourself up for a fall if she only listens to Beethoven and you give her Metallica. After you give her your mix, ask her to make one for you.

5. 5

   Play hard to get. ^[8] Try backing off a little. This can be important because it lets your crush know what they're missing when they don't see you. It might make your friend think about all the ways you make their life fuller, richer, and more enjoyable,so they'll be eager to see you in no time.

   • When you're sure that you are getting somewhere, back off a little. If you see them everyday, avoid them for two days or so, no contact! They might just end up missing you and really understanding how deeply they feel for you. But make sure you have a valid reason for being away when they ask—you don't want to be caught in a lie, or look like you're avoiding them on purpose.

6. 6

   Listen to feedback directly from them. Don't worry about what friends say about how your crush feels about you, because, as we all know, information can get distorted. It's like a game of telephone. Your crush tells something to their other friend, who tells it to a completely different friend, who gossips to someone else, and pretty soon the message has changed completely from what it originally was. Tune out any noise that isn't coming directly from your friend.

   • Be persistent and continue to do fun things with them. Studies show that doing something exciting, daring, or adventurous together helps both of your brains release a chemical (called norepinephrine) that is associated with romantic feelings. Try going to Six Flags, that haunted house, or an exciting game — anything that might cause the two of you to jump, scream, or wriggle with excitement.

7. 7

   Tell them how you feel. If you're sure you want to take the relationship further, tell them.^[9] Remember, only do this if you're okay with the possibility of losing a friend; it can get very awkward and uncomfortable if your friend knows that you want a relationship and they don't feel the same way about you. Unfortunately, there's a risk the other person will pull away after you tell them about your feelings.

   • If you are sure, you need to tell them. Be honest and explain your feelings. You can say something like: "I've really valued our friendship these past couple months, and have grown to see how special of a person you are, and how alive you make me feel inside. I value our friendship over everything, but I really like you. I can't hide my feelings for you anymore. Would you go on a date with me?"^[10]
   • Give them an out. Let them know that it's okay if they don't feel the same way, and that you can take it. You want their honest opinion, not a sugarcoated idea of what you want them to say. Try saying, "I know you may not feel the same way about me, and I respect that." It could go a long way to saving the friendship if they don't want to pursue a relationship. And if they do like you back, it will reinforce how sweet and respectful you are.

8. 8

   Don't get too emotional if they say no. Whatever you do, don't break down. Emotions are powerful things, and your crush might feel like you're using your emotions to be manipulative. Also, if you get emotional, they'll tend to pity you—that's not exactly the romantic feeling you want them to have. Stay stoic, even if you're boiling up inside, and accept whatever they say gracefully.

   • Remember, if they're not interested in dating you, it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you—it means the two of you aren't right for each other. Take some time for yourself if you need to.

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• Question

  How do you make your best guy friend fall in love with you?

  

  Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist, Author, and TV/radio host based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli is currently in private practice and specializes in individual and couples' relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. Kelli also facilitates groups for those struggling with alcohol and drug addiction as well as anger management groups. As an author, she received a Next Generation Indie Book Award for her book "Thriving with ADHD: A Workbook for Kids" and also wrote "Professor Kelli's Guide to Finding a Husband". Kelli was a host on LA Talk Radio, a relationship expert for The Examiner, and speaks globally. You can also see her work on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/kellibmiller, Instagram @kellimillertherapy, and her website: www.kellimillertherapy.com. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.

  

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  Show him who you really are and be yourself. You want him to like you for you. That way, if he ends up liking you, he really likes the essence of you. It's also worth a try to be vulnerable and tell him how you feel directly.

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• Look deep into the other's eyes when you talk; eyes contain the most emotion a person can show.

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• Don't lie. A relationship like this depends on trust.

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• Remember, patience is the most important thing you need to have to make this work. It could take a long time before your crush sees in you what you see in them.

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• If you guys get together, be careful because some things might change; it could be a big departure from a friendship.

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To make a friend fall in love with you, try flirting with them by making lots of eye contact, smiling, and complimenting them on their appearance and personality. You can also touch them by tickling, hugging, or brushing against them, which will make them feel closer to you. Another good way to get them to fall for you is to spend plenty of time alone with them so they get a feel for what it would be like to date you. For example, go for a walk, see a movie, or go shopping together. When you think your connection is growing stronger, try backing off a bit and giving them a little distance to show them what they're missing when you're not around. Alternatively, bite the bullet and tell them how you feel about them, since they might be waiting for you to make a move. For more tips, including how to play hard to get with your friend, read on!

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